WHY AM I HERE?
June 5, 2006

This has been a reoccuring question since my arrival on the campus of the University of Mississippi. Each time I have answered, I have never given the exact same answer. I have said that I am here because I love working with children; I didn't like practicing law, so I wanted to try a career that I thought I would enjoy; and I want to affect the lives of children in my community. All of these reasons are intertwined in the predominant reason that I am here -- because teaching is what I feel the Lord wants me to do.

Last winter/spring, I read the book Purpose Driven Life along with a group of about 7 lawyers and other young professionals. The book is composed of 40 chapters to be read one chapter per day and attempts to focus the reader on understanding what his or her purpose in life is from a Christian perspective. It was my second time reading the book in six months. Instead of just talking about the chapters with a partner like I did the first time I read it, I emailed entries to the group each day based on the day's reading. I found a common theme in my entries: 1) practicing law was not for me at that point in my life; 2) what brings me joy and satisfaction, regardless of the challenges and emotional investment it requires, is working with young people; and 3) my greatest desire is to serve God in whatever way he deems most appropriate. At that point in my life, I realized that I would not be at peace unless I allowed God to lead me. This is the email that I wrote to my Purpose Driven Life group that identified the exact point in time when it became clear to me that I would be a teacher:

Subject:	RE: Purpose Driven Life Day 23- How we Grow
Date:	Tue, 15 Mar 2005 17:25:50 -0500

Here we go again. I didn't have to talk about the work thing for the last couple of entries, but this question is making me talk about it again. Here goes ... Typically, when it comes to making important decisions, I will decide to do something, make a plan to do it, and then do it. For a LOOONG time I would make the initial decision without really consulting God. Now, I've started consulting him, but I keep saying to myself, is that God's answer, rather than accepting a message as a direction from God and doing it. Let me be specific. Last weekend I visited my aunt who I suppose is mid to late sixties. We talked about my boring life among other things and she said that she would pray for me in two areas - one being ... my professional situation (I have not been miserable lately but neither have I been content). So, last week I was awakened in the middle of the night with a thought in my mind about what I am supposed to be doing. It wasn't even something that I myself have said I wanted to do before. I was almost certain that this message was from God. Then my rational mind jumped in the way, and I started questioning: Maybe that was the devil that put that in my head ... things are not right for me to do that ... will I be able to make it financially ... how do I know when I'm supposed to do it... do I even have the necessary skills for that ... what if I'm even worse at that then I am as a lawyer. Still don't know if I received a message from God, but I do know that I need to let go of my way - which is to only do things after I analyze them and find them be rational, and after I have made a plan to do them. To do things God's way, I must have faith in Him and not cling to certain things because they are safe and predictable. I can't think of one time I've ever exercised my faith in God, and I think this is probably keeping me from growing.

So, for those who can understand this--and even those that can't--I am here because God put it in my heart to teach. My being here involves me stepping out on faith and doing what God put in my heart to do - even though it means a tremendous salary cut, harder work than I've ever done in my life, and uncertainty about a lot of things.